A simple diet hack, if it pleases your grace: 

Go unfollow anyone who says you should do a “cleanse” or “detox” of any kind whatsoever. Because here’s what you think happens on a cleanse:

  1. Fat loss
  2. Detoxification

And here’s what actually happens:

  1. Fat loss
  2. Muscle loss
  3. No detoxification
  4. Mind-flaying hunger and cravings
  5. Explosive mud butt
  6. Spending an hour every day cleaning the 47 different parts of your $500 juicer

Here’s another quick diet fix: 

Go unfollow anyone who says you should take a DNA or microbiome test to improve your diet. 

Let me save you the $100: eat vegetables instead of cinnamon rolls and drink water instead of Oreo shakes.

And another:

Go unfollow anyone who says that skipping breakfast is the secret to getting ripped and living forever. Oh and intermittent fasting won’t boost your metabolism, either. In fact, in the short-term, fasting does the exact opposite—it reduces energy expenditure.

Also bat away anyone who says nuts are a great source of protein, fruit has too much sugar, and white rice is bad for you.

And don’t let their credentials short-circuit your critical thinking. Just because someone has an advanced degree from a prestigious school (Harvard, Stanford, Yale, etc.) doesn’t mean they can’t give quacky or even dangerous diet and exercise advice.

You know who else deserves the gate? 

Anyone who says eating any individual food or macro ruins your health or makes you fatter or leaner. 

These clods are just as confused as people who think strippers are really into them and—this happened—one-third-pound hamburgers contain less meat than quarter-pounders (maybe someone should try a fifth-pounder?).

And one more tip for blessings: 

Go unfollow anyone who says you should stop drinking diet soda because it’ll make you fat. 

Can artificial sweeteners make you crave sweets? 

Maybe . . . but probably not enough to matter. 

Artificial sweeteners don’t stimulate our brains in the same way that sugar does, and studies have found that replacing sugar with artificial sweeteners can help with weight loss.