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I will not train until my gym removes Madonna from their Spotify playlist. I listen to my iPod when I train but do have to take my earbuds out at times, and when I do, there’s at least a 50% chance I’ll have to listen to Madonna squawking about penises or lesbians. My workout just goes downhill from there.
I will not train unless I have wall-to-ceiling mirrors on three–and only–three sides of me. I’m not picky but the mirrors must be quite wide and large and the lighting must make me look better than I do. Poor lighting a complete deal breaker for me.
There must be the right people in the gym. I don’t want anyone to look significantly better than me because that makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t want anyone too out of shape either because that’s demotivating. On a scale of 1 to 10, the average attractiveness of my fellow gymgoers should be as close to 6 as possible. Anything below a 5 and over a 7 is completely unacceptable.
I must have the right pair of weightlifting shoes. They must not be too tight on the sides because this chafes my feet, which is a real pet peeve of mine. They can’t be too loose either, though, because then my feet slide around and I can’t maintain proper balance. I can’t stress enough the need for a perfect fit.
My pre- and post-workout shakes are of the utmost importance. They must be consumed exactly fifteen minutes before and after training, respectively, and must contain proper amounts of protein and carbohydrate and absolutely no dietary fat. I’m not sure what proper amounts are just yet, which I should probably figure out before I start training. All I know is if I don’t drink my pre-workout shake on time, I feel lethargic in my workouts. If I’m late with my post-workout shake, I build absolutely no muscle and have wasted my time.
It must be early in the morning, but not dark. I must have slept at least eight hours and shaved and showered the night before, and prefer to not have to do my hair before leaving because it just gets messed up again. I must be fed but not too full because that makes me feel bloated.
My music playlist must be encouraging and energizing but not over-stimulating because then I get anxious, which throws off my rhythm and tempo and makes it impossible to focus on my lifts.
If I have to empty my bowels while training, I simply have to go home. Only a savage uses the gym stalls.
The squat racks must be in the northeastern corner of the gym, facing west. Don’t ask me why but I always have my best squat sessions with them oriented in this way and if I don’t have a good squat workout, my entire week is ruined.
I must be given at least one compliment but no more than three because that makes me self-conscious. There must be no waiting for equipment. Life is too short to wait for a bench press.
A friend once told me that Abraham Lincoln said you should sharpen your ax for days before trying to fell a tree. I don’t know anything about Lincoln or woodcutting but training is the same way.
As cultivating the conditions for training is difficult, I’ve only trained three times in the last month. People less exacting than me have suggested I relax my standards and train under sub-optimal conditions, but I quickly dismiss such nonsense. Those three times I did train were some the best workouts I’ve ever had and they produced dramatic improvements in my physique. I believe in working smarter, not harder.
What are your favorite excuses people have for not training? Have anything else to share? Let me know in the comments below!
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Mike Matthews
Mike Matthews is the founder of Legion as well as the author of several award-winning fitness books, including Bigger Leaner Stronger, Muscle for Life, and The Shredded Chef.
His simple and science-based approach to building muscle, losing fat, and getting healthy has sold over a million books and helped thousands of people build their best bodies ever, and his work has been featured in many popular outlets including Esquire, Men’s Health, Elle, Women’s Health, Muscle & Strength, and more, as well as on FOX and ABC.
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Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you live in the UK or Canada, your order ships free when it’s over $99.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you’re outside the USA, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
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Some popular pre-workouts are all-natural. Some contain the right mix of high-quality ingredients. Some provide clinically effective doses. But only Pulse checks each of these boxes.
Pulse doesn’t just “contain natural ingredients''—every ingredient is naturally sourced from plants and animals. Pulse contains no artificial or synthetic substances of any kind.
Every serving of Pulse contains 15.1 grams of active ingredients that have been shown to be safe and effective in peer-reviewed scientific research.
Every active ingredient in Pulse is backed by published scientific studies that show benefits in healthy humans.
Pulse contains no harsh stimulants that wind you up and burn you out. Instead, it contains a 1:1 ratio of caffeine and L-theanine, which produces a smooth energy rush and comfortable comedown.
We carefully examined 508 pages of scientific research to find out exactly what should and shouldn’t be in a pre-workout supplement.
Every bottle of Pulse is guaranteed to provide exactly what the label claims and nothing else—no heavy metals, microbes, allergens, or other contaminants.
While these types of chemicals may not be as dangerous as some people claim, studies suggest that regular consumption of them may indeed be harmful to our health. And that’s why we don’t put any of them into our products.
Before you buy a sports supplement, you should know that it's clean, safe, and transparent. And that's exactly what Labdoor's third-party testing and certification means.
It's hard to know for sure, but this probably makes Pulse the most-popular all-natural pre-workout supplement in the world.
If you don’t absolutely love this product, just let us know, and we’ll give you a full refund on the spot. No forms or return necessary.
Analyzed for purity and potency in a state-of-the-art ISO 17025 accredited lab by Labdoor™, the gold standard of third-party lab testing.
Analyzed for purity and potency in a state-of-the-art ISO 17025 accredited lab, the gold standard of third-party lab testing.
This product doesn’t just “contain natural ingredients”—every ingredient is naturally sourced from plants and animals. This product contains no artificial or synthetic sweeteners or flavors of any kind.
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