You probably know drinking water is good for you.
You probably also know dehydration is bad for you, and you’ve probably heard you should drink water frequently throughout the day and err on the side of drinking a little more than you feel necessary rather than less.
And you’re probably here because you heard that instead of drinking boring peasant water, you should avail yourself of the miraculous health benefits of alkaline water, including . . .
- Less inflammation and oxidative stress in the body
- Better hydration
- Anti-aging effects
- Weight loss
- Less joint pain and fewer headaches
- Lower risk of cancer, fatigue, leaky gut, osteoporosis, and basically every other ailment
- More energy, drive, and vitality
- And more
In fact, according to some of the self-professed H20 experts shilling alkaline water, you should never drink anything but high-pH water.
To do that, all you have to do is fork over a few grand for a contraption that uses a process called ionization (magic, basically) to transmute toxic tap water into a super-hydrating, inflammation-fighting, life-giving elixir “they” don’t want you to know about.
If you’re uncomfortable with that price tag, you’re looking at this the wrong way. Just think about how much money your pristine health is going to save you in the long run.
When your friends and family start dropping like flies due to heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and the like, you’re going to be bouncing gleefully from one day to the next, like you’ve swallowed the star from Super Mario.
So the real question is how can you not afford to buy a water sorcery machine from me for which I’ll be paid a 50% sales commission?
What’s that? You want to know if there’s any scientific evidence of these claims?
Of course there’s scientific evidence. Don’t look into it, but 97% of water scientists agree with everything I’ve just said. Now will that be cash or credit?
And this is where my comedy shtick ends and real joke begins, which is alkaline water itself. Because the short story is it’s nonsense. All of it.
Let’s find out why.
5:06 – What is alkaline water?
6:59 – What is ionized water?
10:22 – Why do people drink alkaline and ionized water?
18:39 – Who popularized alkaline dieting and drinking?
20:24 – Is ionized water better for you?
21:25 – What does ionized water do for you?
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