You probably also know dehydration is bad for you, and you’ve probably heard you should drink water frequently throughout the day and err on the side of drinking a little more than you feel necessary rather than less.
And you’re probably here because you heard that instead of drinking boring peasant water, you should avail yourself of the miraculous health benefits of alkaline water, including . . .
Less inflammation and oxidative stress in the body
Better hydration
Anti-aging effects
Weight loss
Less joint pain and fewer headaches
Lower risk of cancer, fatigue, leaky gut, osteoporosis, and basically every other ailment
More energy, drive, and vitality
And more
In fact, according to some of the self-professed H20 experts shilling alkaline water, you should never drink anything but high-pH water.
To do that, all you have to do is fork over a few grand for a contraption that uses a process called ionization (magic, basically) to transmute toxic tap water into a super-hydrating, inflammation-fighting, life-giving elixir “they” don’t want you to know about.
If you’re uncomfortable with that price tag, you’re looking at this the wrong way. Just think about how much money your pristine health is going to save you in the long run.
When your friends and family start dropping like flies due to heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and the like, you’re going to be bouncing gleefully from one day to the next, like you’ve swallowed the star from Super Mario.
So the real question is how can you not afford to buy a water sorcery machine from me for which I’ll be paid a 50% sales commission?
What’s that? You want to know if there’s any scientific evidence of these claims?
Of course there’s scientific evidence. Don’t look into it, but 97% of water scientists agree with everything I’ve just said. Now will that be cash or credit?
And this is where my comedy shtick ends and real joke begins, which is alkaline water itself. Because the short story is it’s nonsense. All of it.
Let’s find out why.
Time Stamps:
5:06 – What is alkaline water?
6:59 – What is ionized water?
10:22 – Why do people drink alkaline and ionized water?
18:39 – Who popularized alkaline dieting and drinking?
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Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you live in the UK, Canada, Puerto Rico, or Guam, your order ships free when it’s over $99.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you’re outside the USA, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
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