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CoolSculpting…

The name itself reminds me of the 70s, perhaps an artist scene. Rebel against the government by making radical statues (back when radical was less “feminist” and more “Sonic the Hedgehog on a skateboard”.)

Fight against the institution like Greek statues fight against pornographic standards of penis sizes.

Then I learned it was a fat loss technique popular with middle-aged mothers with too much money and instantly felt like I needed to apologize to sculptors everywhere for the comparison.

Then I looked into it.

Boy, does this shoe taste bad. Shouldn’t have stepped into the realm of judging things by their cover if it just made my foot go into my mouth.

Can’t really blame me though.

After browsing a ton of CoolSculpting reviews I felt like I was so far into mommy blog territory that I needed to bring spare nappies and a welcoming gift of scented candles and wine just to continue listening.

It was only after I googled the scientific name, cryolipolysis, that I understood how such a cool process with such a cool name could catch on.

So what is CoolSculpting? Who thought of this positively radical name, and will it help my kickflips and graffiti?

Not much, but it could help your family members from looking like bulldogs with their jowls … if they have the money for it.

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