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These are my key takeaways and notes from Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages.
“Can you recommend a book for…?”
“What are you reading right now?”
“What are your favorite books?”
I get asked those types of questions a lot and, as an avid reader and all-around bibliophile, I’m always happy to oblige.
I also like to encourage people to read as much as possible because knowledge benefits you much like compound interest. The more you learn, the more you know; the more you know, the more you can do; the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed.
On the flip side, I also believe there’s little hope for people who aren’t perpetual learners. Life is overwhelmingly complex and chaotic, and it slowly suffocates and devours the lazy and ignorant.
So, if you’re a bookworm on the lookout for good reads, or if you’d like to get into the habit of reading, this book club is for you.
The idea here is simple: Every month, I’ll share a book that I’ve particularly liked, why I liked it, and several of my key takeaways from it.
I’ll also keep things short and sweet so you can quickly decide whether the book is likely to be up your alley or not.
Alright, let’s get to the takeaways.
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Hey, Mike, can you recommend a book for. Hey, Mike, what are you reading right now? Hey, Mike, what are your favorite books on? Well, I get asked those questions fairly often and as an avid reader and all around Bilio file. I am always happy to oblige with recommendations because, I like to. Share books that I like.
I like when people share books, they like with me, I also like to encourage people to read as much as possible because knowledge benefits you much like compound interest. The more you learn, the more, you know, and the more, you know, the more you can do. And the more you can do the more. Opportunities you have to succeed.
So if you are a book worm on the lookout for good reads, or if you would like to get into the habit of reading or get more into the habit of reading this episode is for you. In it, I am going to be talking about a book called the five love languages by Gary Chapman. Before we get started, if you like what I’m doing here on the podcast and elsewhere, then you will probably like my award-winning fitness books for men and women of all ages and abilities, which have sold over 2 million copies have received over 15,004 and five star reviews on Amazon and which have.
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Now I do have several books and programs, including bigger leaner, stronger, thinner, leaner, stronger and muscle for life. And to help you understand which one is right for you, it’s pretty simple. If you are a guy aged. 18 to let’s say, 40 to 45, bigger leaner stronger is the book and program for you. If you are a gal, same age range, thinner, leaner, stronger is going to be for you.
And if you are a guy or gal 40 to maybe 45 plus muscle for life is for you. The premise of this book is pretty simple. There are three parts to it. One, there are different ways of showing love. Two, some people respond more positively to some ways than others. And three relationships can only blossom when each person speaks the other person’s primary love languages that is.
They love each other the way that they most enjoy being loved. And specifically the author posits five primary modes of expressing love. One is acts of service. So that would be doing things for your partner. Two is giving gifts. So giving things that symbolize thinking about or remembering. Gift D three is physical touch and that is not just sexual touch, but it would include that four spending quality time.
So that’s giving focused attention and five words of affirmation, and that is giving compliments and words of encouragement. Now Chapman contends. And I agree that while all of us can find enjoyment in being spoken to, so to speak in each of those languages, one or two of them in particular probably make us feel, especially loved, make us feel the best.
And those are probably the one or two that we tend to use to show love ourselves. And that we. Request of our partners. Okay. So that’s the nucleus of the book, so to speak. Now let’s get to my top five takeaways. And the first one is quote, being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language.
If we are to be effective communicators of love. And my note here is that my wife and I are wired differently in this. My primary love languages are acts of service and physical touch. So I feel most loved when my wife does things for me that save me time or save me trouble. And when she touches me, but I don’t care so much about gifts or.
Compliments. My wife’s priorities are different though. She is biggest on quality time and particularly quality conversation and words of affirmation. And it has really helped us to understand and to accept these differences and to consciously choose to show love in the ways that are most important to each of us.
Even if our natural inclinations are otherwise. For instance, my wife is really into horses. She loves them as animals. She owns several, she rides them and I am not interested in horses at all. Aside from what they cost. But if I want to make her very happy, all I have to do is suggest that we go do something related to horses.
Maybe go to the equestrian center that is nearby and watch a show that is happening, or even just go by the barn and say hi to the horses and pet them and feed them. She loves it. And. Can’t say I quite understand that, but I don’t have to understand it. I just have to do it. Okay. The second takeaway is quote, love is kind if then we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words.
This has to do with the way we speak. And my note here is. This specifically is something that I’ve had to work at because one of my biggest character flaws that I am aware of at least is in certain situations, not all of the time, not even most of the time, but in certain situations, I am quick to say rude and offensive.
Things. And my wife really doesn’t like it when I say rude and offensive things. And so I’ve caused a lot of unnecessary upsets over the years, but I have improved here partly through a conscious effort to speak more kindly. And partly because I’ve resolved other things in my life work related things mostly that were.
Souring my mood. And that is a circumstance, for example, where I am more likely to be sharp toed. I guess if I am just in a bad mood and somebody around me does something that is mildly annoying or mildly stupid, I’m much more likely to say something. I’m not gonna blow my lid and lash out. I’m not an angry person.
It takes a lot to really get my goat, but I am much more likely to react antagonistically and so, anyway, I have gotten better at not doing this at just letting things go even. When I am not in a good mood. All right. Takeaway number three, quote, quality activities may include anything in which one, or both of you have an interest.
The emphasis is not on what you are doing, but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling like he cares about me. He was willing to do something with me that I enjoy, and he did it with a positive attitude. And my note here is this used to be a strength of may and Sarah’s relationship.
We used to do a lot of things together, and that created a, a lot of love in the relationship, but since having kids and starting a couple of businesses, quality activities have been pushed. To the back burner and much more because of me than her, it’s much more my fault than hers really. And yes, that does happen naturally to everyone in similar circumstances, at least to some degree, right.
Because we only have so much time and energy, but if I’m being honest, I have not given enough importance to bringing this back to the front burner with easy wins, like date nights, anything related to horses. Like I mentioned, short trips that we could go on, you know, even if it’s just within state and so forth.
And I could say that I haven’t had the time and I could point to all of the things that I have kept myself. Busy with mostly work, but that is like somebody saying that they don’t have time to work out. Of course they have time to work out. It’s only a matter of priorities. And so I’ve chosen to give most of my time and energy to my work.
And while. This has paid off in many ways. It has also put a strain on my marriage. And so this is an area that I am working to improve in specifically just being more open to taking opportunities, to spend quality time together, even if that means working a bit less now. And then which objectively speaking will have no negative consequences whatsoever.
In my businesses, it’s just not my default setting or at least it hasn’t been my default setting in a long time. And so it’s always most comfortable to just keep doing the things that you always do, the way that you always do them and doing things differently can be uncomfortable. It’s like skipping workouts now.
And then does it matter if you skip a workout now and. Even skip a couple of workouts now. And then is it going to negatively impact your physique or performance or health or anything whatsoever? No, of course not. But if you are like most fitness folk, it irks you at least a little bit. When you skip a workout, even if you have a great reason to skip a workout, if you are like most of us.
You like to stick to your routine. And of course, that is one of the reasons why so many of us are so successful in our fitness. We are very consistent and that is everything in fitness. That is everything in many activities actually is we consistently show up and put in the work, but if we don’t pay attention to our head space, we can also become very inflexible, irrationally.
Inflexible. Anyway, moving on to takeaway number four, quote, I have suggested three ways to discover your own primary love language one. What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language two. What have you most often requested of your spouse?
The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved. Three. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that would also make you feel loved. And my note here is if you are curious about your partner’s love language, you can just reverse those questions.
So what do you do or fail to do that hurts them most deeply? What have they most often requested of you? In what way do they. Regularly express love to you, fifth and final takeaway, quote, almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving.
My note here is give and. Take is the nucleus of any relationship, really? And when somebody takes far more than they give, they have to pay what Adam Grant calls, the taker tax, the gradual loss of respect and support caused by selfishness and disregard for others that can eventually cost people everyth.
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And if you didn’t like something about this episode or about the show in general, or if you. ideas or suggestions or just feedback to share. Shoot me an email Mike muscle for life.com, muscle F-O-R life.com. And let me know what I could do better or just, , what your thoughts are about maybe what you’d like to see me do in the future.
I read everything myself. I’m always looking for new ideas and constructive feedback. So thanks again for listening to this episode. And I hope to hear from you.