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Well, spring is here, and the birds seem happy. They don’t give a frack about our problems, which is kind of refreshing, actually.
Because global pandemics suck moist, open sphincter.
People are dying. Economies are crashing. And many of us are wondering if the Doomsday Clock is about to strike midnight.
Then again, if you’re reading this, you’re probably not dying, your economy is still functioning, and intellectuals have been predicting the imminent end of days since Malthus.
So count yourself lucky, and especially if you and your friends and family are healthy, still have jobs, and are about to receive a sack of TrumpBux™.
(And even if you’re not getting any sweet stimulus scrilla, if you have a job, your employer is almost certainly getting his payroll, rent, and utilities covered for a couple of months, allowing you to keep said job.)
In fact, if you’re one of the fortunate among us, I want you to say something with me, out loud:
I’m thankful for my health, job, and TrumpBux™.
Come on. Don’t be an ingrate. SAY IT.
HEALTH 👏JOB 👏TRUMPBUX™ 👏
It feels good, right?
What’s more, you can view this current predicament as an opportunity to focus on and optimize things you can control, as opposed to panic-posting on social media about all the things you can’t.
You know, stuff like exercising every day, eating well, staying productive and busy, and the like. Want to hear what I’m doing to stay fit, sane, and productive while quarainted? Clicky clicky:
And speaking of quarantine, it’s amazing to see how many people are still packing into big box stores to buy nonessential bric-a-brac and subway cars to take leisurely jaunts around town.
STAY. HOME. YOU. JAGOFFS.
Seriously. If this were an undead apocalypse, they’d be the ones hiding zombie bites.
I mean, even if you’re not concerned about getting sick yourself . . .
. . . and even if you’re rightfully skeptical of much of the media’s hyperventilation over models that have overestimated hospitalizations and deaths by many times . . .
. . . the best thing us plebeians can do right now to reclaim life as we knew it is to just stay the hell away from each other for a bit longer.
ANYWAY, let’s see, what else is going on.
Legion news? Sure!
Papa’s got a brand new bag!
Last year, I announced that a complete overhaul of Legion’s branding was underway.
The goal was to create a new look for the products that’s:
- More in line with current design trends
- More “premium” looking
- More gender-neutral
Well, with the help of the wondrous Männer und Frauen over at Traina Design, I present to you the fruits of much labor . . . THE NEW LOOK OF LEGION!
There’s more to unveil, of course, but that gives you a clear picture of the direction we’re going in.
What do you think? Hit reply and let me know!
I’m working on a book for the 40+ crowd!
It was four a.m., and I hadn’t slept in three days.
I was holed up in a basement lab in the Cloud Forests of Guatemala, surrounded by reams of not-yet-published scientific literature, doing things frowned upon by the FDA.
But I was on the verge of a discovery that would change everything we knew about aging. If my hypothesis proved true, the realms of health, fitness, and longevity would enter a new era.
I’m talking about striking muscle and strength gain without having to step foot in a gym, effortless fat loss without ever having to diet, and superhuman health and durability without taking a single supplement.
And yes, at any age.
A true magic bullet breakthrough, watershed moment, and sea change. A miracle, even.
. . .
So yeah, none of that actually happened, but I do have some good news for my middle-aged frens:
No matter how old you are, no matter how bad you might think your hormones or genetics are, and no matter how lost you might feel from trying and abandoning past diets and exercise routines . . .
. . . you absolutely, positively can have the strong, lean, and healthy body you dream about, and this new book will teach you how.
What’s more, this will be my first traditionally published book, which is a nice big plate of cocaine for my ego. Simon & Schuster loved the idea, and we’re hustling to get it on shelves next summer.
And how will it differ from my existing books, you’re wondering?
- It’s going to be my simplest, most “newbie-friendly” book yet, intended for literally anyone at any age, no matter how unhealthy or unfit.
- It’s going to revolve around the science of aging well, not just getting jacked.
- It’s going to provide three brand new strength training programs specifically tailored to middle-agers based on their current level of fitness.
And that’s just for starters.
Much more to come on this project as I move through it!
We donated $10,249.59 to a COVID-19 charity!
I said I’d share exactly how much money we raised for the Center for Disease Philanthropy with our health sale, and I’m thrilled to announce the result:
Every one of those dollars is going toward . . .
- Providing masks, gowns, gloves and other personal protective equipment to essential medical staff who are at increased risk because of their close contact with people who may be infected.
- Supporting people unable to go to work, go shopping for necessities, attend social functions or even see their families in some cases.
- Increasing access to Water, Sanitation, and Hygiene (WASH) resources to help limit the spread of all viruses and other infections.
And if you purchased any of our health and vitality supplements during the sale, you contributed to that, so THANK YOU for helping us make this a success!
What’s more, from now until we’re over the hump with COVID-19, we’re going to continue donating a portion of all profits to the Center for Disaster Philanthropy.
There’s no cap on donations either, so the more we sell, the more we give.
We’re also giving health professionals helping combat the pandemic 50% off all of our health and vitality supplements, which can help them stay well and on the front lines.
And lastly but definitely not leastly, big ups to last month’s Champion Giveaway winner Beth R., who won a couple of signed books, a Legion blender bottle, and two supplements of her choice (and she chose Immune and Thrive)!
How can you win cool stuff, too? Easy!
Join our rewards program, unlock the Champion tier, and you’ll be automatically entered to win every month!