Ep. #135: 9 Gym Etiquette Mistakes That Make You an A*&hole

[00:00:00] What up, my friends, Mike Matthews here from us for life back with another episode of the podcast. And in this episode, we’re going to have some fun, but we’re also going to address a very real problem. And that is assholes in the gym. And you know what I’m talking about here, you have the assholes that smell like shit, that sweat on everything, that gawk at women, that superset half of the gym and leave their weights everywhere and so forth, and at this point you might already be laughing, and yes these people, they can do it.

Be pretty amusing for sure, but they also do make for a significantly worse gym experience for us and everyone else. And in some cases, they even drive people away from the gym altogether. And so I wanted to do something about it. So first, we [00:01:00] are going to have a few laughs at the expense of these assholes by breaking down the nine most annoying things that they do.

And then we are also going to touch on some common sense advice on how all of us can help make our gyms better. a bit more pleasant for all of our fellow gym goers. Now, before we get into this episode, I’m sorry, but I have to shill for something to pay the bills. I know I’m just kidding. I’m not big on promoting stuff that I don’t personally use and believe in.

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So that’s it for the advertising. Let’s get to the show. Working out is hard. But gym assholes, they just make it so much harder and every gym has assholes. Smelly assholes, loud assholes, super fucking sweaty assholes, sick assholes, one of my personal pet peeves, gawking assholes, the list goes on and on.

And thanks to these assholes, many people, and many women in particular, [00:03:00] are too intimidated to start weightlifting. And many others just can’t.

That said, before we point too many fingers, we should realize that we’ve probably been assholes ourselves. In fact, who knows, you might be a complete gym asshole without even realizing it, because the reality is, you’re not. People with good gym etiquette aren’t assholes and people with bad etiquette are.

And that’s okay though, if you currently have bad gym etiquette, or if you don’t even know what bad gym etiquette looks like, I’m going to break it down in this podcast and help you understand the errors of your ways. No, seriously though, gym etiquette is easy to learn. It’s easy to follow and really what it boils down to is good manners, being respectful and treating your fellow gym goers the way that you would like to be treated.

So let’s get to the nine most egregious gym etiquette mistakes that people make every day. And the [00:04:00] first one is smelling like shit. So let me tell you a little story here. Once upon a time, I was in the middle of a heavy set of deadlifts and after taking a deep breath for another rep, I couldn’t help but just stop my set and cry out, What the fuck is that smell?

And I have to tell you, this was no normal stench. This was some otherworldly stench. Shit, it was like my nostrils were getting raped by Golgothan, which, if you don’t know what that is, just Google it and you’re gonna have a good laugh for yourself. So after finishing my set, which, of course, I powered through, I dropped the weight, I spin around, and honestly, I was expecting to see that someone had shit themselves doing half squats in the Smith machine behind me or something.

No, the Smith machine was empty. I craned my head to the left, and there the motherfucker is, there’s the culprit, I shit you not, so this person was huge, he’s a towering dude, sweaty, overweight, and he was wearing like a singlet and [00:05:00] skin tight yoga leggings, which I have no idea what this uniform even was, and this dude was a good 10 feet away, but still, I felt like I was being assaulted by his swamp ass.

It was so bad that honestly, I was actually impressed. How could someone smell so badly? It was a lot more than just B. O. How did this person actually accomplished this. Sewage baths, maybe a pet skunk, maybe he washes his clothes with dead fish in the washing machine or something. All I knew is this kind of stink.

It didn’t come easily. This guy was like a carefully engineered bioweapon. And the truth is, who knows, he may have been a super sweet guy, but He still was an asshole for making me and everyone else within a probably 25 foot radius, just suffer his noxious cloud of garbage poop roadkill vapor.

And so [00:06:00] the etiquette lesson here is very simple. Just don’t smell like shit. Please, yeah, we all get sweaty when we train and some of us smell a little bit more than others, but can we all just be normal humans and bathe regularly and clean every nook and cranny with soap and then wear clean gym clothes, clean socks, put on deodorant, don’t fart on people, the little things.

And that leads me to the next mistake, which is smelling like perfumed shit. Now, I’m not sure what’s worse. The dude I was just telling you about, people that smell like actual shit, or people that douse every square fucking inch of their bodies with Axe Body Spray. I’ve actually experienced this with one guy in particular, it was so bad that it actually made my eyes and sinuses bleed.

And I was maybe 10 feet away from the dude and he used to come regularly. It got so bad that I had to ask him, why do you wear so much body spray? And obviously he took a little bit of fence [00:07:00] to it, but he didn’t even have a good answer. He didn’t even realize how utterly disgusting he smelled. Eventually he stopped coming.

Fortunately. Anyways. So the point here is nobody’s going to complain about light fragrance, but please just, cause. Don’t wear so much that you turn a portion of the gym into a gas chamber. The next etiquette mistake here is leaving greasy sweat everywhere. And the point here is, our sweat may not seem gross to us, but it is pretty fucking disgusting to everyone else.

To us, sure, it’s just water with some ammonia and salt. But to other people, it’s, bacteria infested slime. So the point here is, if you sweat a lot when you train, please just don’t snail trail all of the equipment. As Douglas Adam tells us in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a towel is the most massively useful thing a clammy fellow can have.

Get one, wipe your sweat away after you use each [00:08:00] machine and bench. And everything will be fine. Moving on to the next point of the list, which is, are those workout clothes or body paint? Now, if you’re offended by the meathead in the singlet banging on about aesthetics, brah, and, taking more selfies than actually training, Or the girl that somehow squeezed into an outfit comprised of a few square inches of spandex.

I’d say get over it. None of us should really be all that concerned with how other people are living their lives, so long as they aren’t actively harming other people or actively impeding society on the whole. And let’s be honest, we are all in the gym, at least partially for the same reason as the ziz wannabe or the little prostitut.

But, we want to look good and we like it when people Check us out. Now, that said, I’ve seen some downright scary things, especially in the gym I used to go to in Florida. There was this one guy that used to come, he was in his mid sixties and [00:09:00] he would free ball in a skin tight pair of red spandex biking shorts.

I swear it probably took him five minutes just to get these shorts on. And not just that, but also a matching belly shirt. Yeah, his belly. We hang out. And of course he also sweat a lot and stunk and stared at people. There was another person, a woman that was rather large, and every day she would come wearing a pair of super tight yoga pants.

So tight that it wasn’t just camel toe, it was like a gaping axe wound. And I’m sorry, I had to. All right. Sorry, but not. Sorry. All right. So there was another person. Let’s not forget this other dude. He was a cross dressing guy and he loved these short baggy running shorts. And apparently he also hated underwear.

You can imagine what happened when he laid down on benches. So the point with all of this is I [00:10:00] don’t think anybody should be able to tell you what you can and can’t wear in the gym, but please let’s just all have some decency and let’s We’re just there to work out. We’re not scouting for an orgy. And if tact doesn’t easily come to you, then let the the old newspaper test guide your clothing selections.

And that is if you were to be featured on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper. Would you wear that outfit you are considering? If your answer is something like, Hell no, or maybe if I were really fucking drunk, then please just step back from the ledge. Hey, quickly, before we carry on, if you are liking my podcast, would you please help spread the word about it?

Because no amount of marketing or advertising gimmicks can match the power of word of mouth. If you are enjoying this episode and you think of someone else who might enjoy it as well, please do tell them about it. It really helps me. And if you are going to [00:11:00] post about it on social media, definitely tag me so I can say Thank you.

You can find me on Instagram at muscle for life, fitness Twitter at muscle for life and Facebook at muscle for life fitness. All right. The next mistake is hoarding a bunch of equipment claiming multiple pieces of equipment, benches, weight machines, dumbbells, and so forth is like parking in two spots or cutting in front of old people in the grocery store, because they’re just walking too slowly.

It’s just a dick move. So if some lame wad calls for supersetting nine different machines in the gym, please just don’t flip out when people want to work in with you. Think of it as the price to pay for your poor choice of training programming. Moving on. This is a natural progression from the last one and it is not re racking your weights.

Now if you go to most gyms during peak hours. You’re going to feel like you’ve been transported back to the Nazi [00:12:00] occupation of Stalingrad. Dumbbells are going to be strewn around like corpses, plates are going to be haphazardly piled next to machines, there isn’t a single barbell that hasn’t been fully stripped.

It’s like the slobs are just going out of their way to make the place as much of a disorganized shithole as possible. And back in Florida, the same gym where All kinds of interesting things used to happen. I once asked one of these guys why he didn’t re rack his weight. And his answer was, Someone gets paid like 10 an hour so I don’t have to.

Yeah, okay. Cool story, bro. Karma has got special plans for people like him. Sure, that’s cool. You can leg press 10 plates. But it’s not so fucking cool if you leave it for everyone else to unload. So when we’re done with dumbbells, let’s just all put them back in the right spots. Let’s strip our barbells.

Let’s put plates away. Let’s act like big boys and big girls that can clean up our own messes. Alright, moving on [00:13:00] to offering unsolicited advice. Happens all the time. Every gym has at least one clueless asshole that just won’t stop. Telling people how to work out, he watched this one YouTube video this one time and now he’s on a mission to inform the great unwashed and If you make eye contact, he’s gonna come in hot, you know Your back is too far forward when you squat you’re bringing the bar down too far on a bench press You’re resting too much in between sets.

Why are you lifting so heavy bro muscles? Don’t know wait, bro. They’ll lay no tension Yep. Yep. Yep. I mean you don’t come to his office and knock the cocks out of his mouth You So why won’t he just leave you alone? You don’t have to get rude and argumentative. If that is not your style, there are a few simple non confrontational ways of making people like him go away.

For example, Hey, I appreciate the help, I’m just following what my coach or my trainer has laid out for me. Thanks for the tips, but I’d like to just do my workouts. I know you’re just trying to help, but I’d really appreciate it. If [00:14:00] you just let me do my workouts. And it’s also worth reviewing here a few simple rules of etiquette to observe.

The first one is don’t give workout advice to strangers unless they actually ask for your help. The only time when I personally break this rule is if someone’s doing something that I think or know is likely to result in injury. For example I’ve seen people do very cringy deadlifts. Some of the worst you could ever want to see with quite a bit of weight on the bar, no depth at the bottom, fully rounded back throughout heavy arching in the lockout position.

And so when I see something like that, I will politely let the person know that, I wouldn’t usually say anything, but if they continue doing what they’re doing. They are going to get hurt and disc injuries can be really nasty. And sometimes people are cool with it and they actually appreciate it.

And sometimes they don’t. So the next little rule here is when someone’s headphones are in, just don’t disturb them for any reason. Headphones in [00:15:00] means do not disturb. And with women, it means please, for the love of Jesus, just don’t fucking bother me. Remember that most of us are not in the gym to talk and socialize.

We’re tight on time and we really just don’t want to be distracted from our workouts. Okie dokie. So the next gym etiquette mistake that makes you an asshole is oogling at women. So if we could read people’s minds, I swear the gym would be a horrible experience. Once a girl starts squatting, it would just be mayhem.

All hell would break loose. And. Look, I understand. Sure, hot women are hot, and men, we are programmed to admire that. But, many guys, they don’t know that’s all that’s ever going to happen. They can stare all they want, but the girls are not going to have sex with them. Ever. Ooh, she made eye contact.

Yeah. No. That was a fucking mistake that she immediately regretted. That’s why our [00:16:00] headphones are in. That’s why her eyes are down and her lips are whispering. Please just don’t fucking come bother me. Don’t talk to me. I don’t care. Similarly, neon yellow fucking alpha stringers are not going to get anyone laid.

Nobody believes the bullshit stories about how you’re stocking cash and partying with celebrities and encyclopedic knowledge of Super Bowl statistics is just a waste of good brain matter. So to all you lecherous men out there, just know this staring and dreaming about what you would do to her. It just makes her really uncomfortable.

So please stop. And if you’re thinking, Oh, if she doesn’t want attention, why is she dressed like a whore? If you ask me wearing tight workout clothing, doesn’t really qualify as dressing like a whore. In fact, you can try this for yourself. Why don’t you squat in a pair of leggings and you’ll actually see why many women do it.

It feels really nice. I have to admit. And let’s not forget that women [00:17:00] are biologically programmed to bring life and beauty into the world most do to feel cute and attractive. Us men, we’re programmed to rape and pillage, so by default we’re the assholes here. The rule is simple, just save the girl gawking for your incognito browsing sessions at work.

If a woman wants to get to know you, she is going to say something to you. And otherwise, she really just wants to be left alone. Next on the list, fucking naked in the bathroom. Why? Dear God, why? When I walk into the men’s locker room in my gym, I follow a very strict protocol. It looks like this. I move as quickly as possible.

No chatting. No selfies. I don’t do anything. Really, the less time I spend there, the less of a chance I’m going to see things that can’t be unseen. I look at the tops of heads and I try really my best to just block out my peripheral vision. And if I hear a blow dryer going, I avoid the source at [00:18:00] all costs.

Wherever that noise is coming from. That’s where I’m not going. And it’s not like I’m prude, but I’m just really not a fan of shriveled, hairy old dicks and nutsacks everywhere. Or guys that are doing hamstring stretches naked. Or guys that are blow drying their balls. Yes, that happens all the time. Or guys that are fumigating the entire fucking room with some cheap body spray.

Please, can’t we just wear towels in the locking room? Can’t we groom ourselves at home? Can’t we save the cologne bath for the car? So those are the nine gym etiquette mistakes that make you an asshole. And in closing, I just want to say why can’t the gym be like any other social gathering of civilized people.

And well, Gandhi said that, we should be the change we want to see. So here’s how we can do our parts. We can smell clean. We can clean up our sweat. We can [00:19:00] wear normal person clothes. We can re rack our weights. We don’t have to lay claim to entire sections of the gym. And we don’t have to tell people what they should or shouldn’t be doing in the gym.

We don’t have to try to stare women into having sex with us. And we can wear a towel in the bathroom. Hey there, it is Mike again. And I just wanted to say that I hope you enjoyed this episode and found it interesting and helpful. Now, if you’d like to read about all this stuff as well, then head over to MuscleForLife.

com. That’s MuscleForLife. com and LegionAthletics. com, L E G I O N Athletics. com because I’ve published over a million words of free articles on the blogs on those websites on all types of things related to building muscle, losing fat, and getting fit. Healthy new articles go up every week on both sites as well.

So if you like what you read, then definitely hop on my mailing [00:20:00] list and you will be notified when new stuff goes live, my email subscribers also get exclusive deals on my products and services and other goodies. So there’s that too. Thanks again for listening to this episode and I will see you in the next one.

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