A time to transform the living room into a hellscape of landfill-bound fripperies.
A time to trade the goji-berry and kale slurries for mom’s deep-fried brownies stuffed with cheesecake stuffed with a molten core of pure sugar-soaked gluten.
A time to offer moonlit sacrifices of tanned grinch hides and spiced elf organs to the dimension-hopping Antediluvian demi-god Santa Claus and his battalion of bionic beast-deer—creatures forged in the Third Age of Prehistory to do battle with the dead-eyed demon prince Krampus—
You know what? This is pretty irrelevant. Moving on.
Anyway, what I really wanted to say was . . .
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I hope you and yours are relishing many moments of joyous merriment and reveling in all of their pine-scented, butter-lubed, and tinsel-laden glory.
Even better:
2020, this year of PANDEMONIUM INCARNATE, is finally going over the cliff and into the sea, where it belongs.
I KNOW.
And what will next year bring? A cat’s meow or a dog’s breakfast?
Will we finally get to take our family, friends, home, health, and job for granted again?
Or will we soon find ourselves spearing mutated fire bears in the blasted ruins of Booger Hole, West Virginia?
Who can know?
Even so, us mice and men here at Legion have laid wondrous plans for 2021 that’ll get you purring like a dog that ate a happy cat.
Here are some of the snidbits:
New products and services to instabuy, including a probiotic, energy drink, beauty (hair, skin, and nails) enhancer, training plans, new coaching options, and more.
New flavors of existing products to take a flier on, including strawberry margarita Pulse, cookie butter Whey+, blue raspberry Recharge, mocha Genesis, and more.
New loyalty perks to rub all over yourself, including more Subscribe & Save benefits, Rewards Program bennies, exclusive deals and discounts, and more.
New (upgraded) product formulations to slaver over, including protein bars, Phoenix, Atlas, Lunar (gummies!), Ascend, and more.
New sales channels to better separate you from your shekels, including domestic and international retail locations and Amazon UK and CA.
New content to gorge on, including a new podcast, new website tools, video edumucations, and more.
And that’s just the quick hose down, of course—many details to follow, laddiebuck.
Well, methinks it’s time to get back to enjoying Michael Buble before he’s put back in his cage until next year.
Oh and just because this can’t be said enough:
Bless your cotton socks for your support.
Seriously, you’re my Skittles and starshine, and I’m in your eternal gratitude.
YES, ETERNAL 👏 GRATITUDE 👏
AS IN, MY SPECTRAL SERVICE ACROSS THE INFINITY OF SPACE AND TIME.
Your mileage may vary, but that makes me feel ticklish inside. Or maybe that’s just the deep-fried brownies.
If you don’t like something of ours, guess what happens next?
No, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon. Nor do we ask you to fill a cursed inkwell with orc’s blood and demon saliva and then use it to complete reams of return forms written in ancient Cyrillic script.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. Holy moo cows. And that means you can say "yes" now and decide later.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you live in the United States, your order ships free regardless of order size, if you live in the UK, Canada, Puerto Rico, or Guam, your order ships free when it’s over $99, and if you live elsewhere, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you live in the UK, Canada, Puerto Rico, or Guam, your order ships free when it’s over $99.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you’re outside the USA, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We're also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Wait! Want to save 50% on your order of Legion supplements?
Use code NASM25 at checkout!
Buy one supplement, get one 50% off when you use code LEGION10 at checkout.
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Simply use the code COMEBACK20 at checkout to unlock instant savings.
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Waiver and Release of Liability
In consideration of the services and/or products offered by Legion Athletics, Inc. (“Legion”) including, but not limited to, nutrition plans, exercise routines and coaching, and in addition to the payment of any fee or charge:
I knowingly and voluntarily enter into this waiver and release of liability and hereby waive any and all rights, claims or causes of action of any kind whatsoever arising out of my use of Legion’s services and/or products, and I hereby release and hold harmless Legion and its consultants, officers, contractors, agents, owners and employees from any and all responsibility, liability, cost and expenses, including for injuries, damages or disorders (physical, metabolic, or otherwise), resulting from my use of Legion’s services and/or products.
I understand that fitness activities including, but not limited to, strength, flexibility, and cardiovascular exercise, with or without the use of equipment, are potentially hazardous activities that involve a risk of injury and even death, and I am voluntarily participating in these activities and using equipment and machinery with knowledge of the risks involved. I hereby agree to assume and accept any and all risks of injury or death related to said fitness activities.
I understand Legion’s services and products are not meant to treat or manage any health conditions or circumstances, and I acknowledge that Legion has recommended I obtain a healthcare provider’s approval for my use of Legion’s services and/or products, through regular physical examination(s) and/or consultation. I acknowledge that I have obtained my healthcare provider’s approval or have decided to use Legion’s services and/or products without such approval and hereby assume all responsibility for my use of said services and/or products.
I understand that results from using Legion’s products and/or services are not guaranteed, and I agree to not hold Legion liable for any outcomes or lack thereof.
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