So, 2018 is upon us, and here at Legion, that means all kinds of nefariousness is afoot.
We’ve started amino spiking our protein powders and pixie-dusting everything else, and just wait until you see our new line of proprietary blends for boosting testosterone by at least 1000%, packing on 12 lbs of lean muscle in just 10 days, and shredding pounds of stubborn fat while you sleep.
Let’s just say we’re about to be the new NASA, so get ready to give us ALL of your money (and all of the money you can borrow!) because, let’s face it, we’ll spend it better than you will.
Well, that was amusing.
Now that we’ve had a little giggle at what Legion will NEVER become (pinky swear), let’s get to the real talk. 🙂
As usual, we have enough plates up and spinning to keep us all running around like coke-addled squirrels, but that’s good for you because it means we’re bringing the heat this year.
Here’s your first taste…
We’ve placed our first order of protein bars!
^ Me right now.
Seriously though, we’re pretty excited because it has been seven months of grinding to get the exact bar that we want, and now it’s finally happening.
In 10 to 12 weeks, we’ll have a protein bar to offer that…
- Contains whey and pea protein, including whey isolate and whey hydrolysate (no cheap-ass milk protein)
- Contains nutritious food-based carbs, fats, prebiotic fiber
- Contains NO artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavoring
- Is high-protein, moderate-carb, and low-fat
- And last but most definitely not least, is absolutely DELICIOUS
A tall order, I know, but we’ve nailed it, and especially that last point.
I dare say that this first bar we’ve ordered–chocolate chip cookie dough–is going to be the best protein bar you’ve ever eaten.
Mark my words. If I’m wrong, send it back and I’ll eat it. On Instagram Live. Naked.
A new flavor of Genesis is in production.
Due to the amount of active ingredients in every serving and their rather funky tastes, Genesis has been one of the hardest products to flavor.
To be fair, most greens supplements taste like swamp diapers, so we’re pretty happy with where it’s currently at, but it’s still a bit too intense for some people.
Well, if you’re one of them, then I have good news: a new flavor is almost here!
It’s acai berry, and for whatever reason (magic?), this silly little berry masks the yucky stuff in Genesis quite nicely and leaves you with a very mild green drink that goes down easily.
We have new merch, including tees, a hoodie, gym bag, and more!
You probably saw the emails on this, but in case you didn’t, give our new goodies a gander.
Our nootropic ASCEND will be back soon™.
If its initial performance out of the gates is any indicator, this bugger is going to quickly become one of our bestselling products.
We blew through a couple thousand bottles in the first couple of weeks after release, and for good reason–ASCEND is awesome and very unlike most nootropics on the market.
There’s currently a snag on production (Russian hackers, man), but we hope to have it ironed out this week and start putting bottles on the line.
(Just kidding, everyone knows that Russia hacking is fake news. The actual snag is we’re having trouble sourcing the exact high-potency bacopa that we want.)
Okay, that’s it for now, but this is only the beginning, my friend…
(We are friends, right? I like to think so, which is why I’m standing in your shrubbery right now watching you read this…)