A time to transform the living room into a hellscape of landfill-bound fripperies.

A time to trade the goji-berry and kale slurries for mom’s deep-fried brownies stuffed with cheesecake stuffed with a molten core of pure sugar-soaked gluten.

A time to offer moonlit sacrifices of tanned grinch hides and spiced elf organs to the dimension-hopping Antediluvian demi-god Santa Claus and his battalion of bionic beast-deer—creatures forged in the Third Age of Prehistory to do battle with the dead-eyed demon prince Krampus—

You know what? This is pretty irrelevant. Moving on.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was . . .

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I hope you and yours are relishing many moments of joyous merriment and reveling in all of their pine-scented, butter-lubed, and tinsel-laden glory.

Even better:

2020, this year of PANDEMONIUM INCARNATE, is finally going over the cliff and into the sea, where it belongs.

I KNOW.

And what will next year bring? A cat’s meow or a dog’s breakfast?

Will we finally get to take our family, friends, home, health, and job for granted again?

Or will we soon find ourselves spearing mutated fire bears in the blasted ruins of Booger Hole, West Virginia?

Who can know?

Even so, us mice and men here at Legion have laid wondrous plans for 2021 that’ll get you purring like a dog that ate a happy cat.

Here are some of the snidbits:

  • New products and services to instabuy, including a probiotic, energy drink, beauty (hair, skin, and nails) enhancer, training plans, new coaching options, and more.
  • New flavors of existing products to take a flier on, including strawberry margarita Pulse, cookie butter Whey+, blue raspberry Recharge, mocha Genesis, and more.
  • New loyalty perks to rub all over yourself, including more Subscribe & Save benefits, Rewards Program bennies, exclusive deals and discounts, and more.
  • New (upgraded) product formulations to slaver over, including protein bars, Phoenix, Atlas, Lunar (gummies!), Ascend, and more.
  • New sales channels to better separate you from your shekels, including domestic and international retail locations and Amazon UK and CA.
  • New content to gorge on, including a new podcast, new website tools, video edumucations, and more.

And that’s just the quick hose down, of course—many details to follow, laddiebuck.

Well, methinks it’s time to get back to enjoying Michael Buble before he’s put back in his cage until next year.

Oh and just because this can’t be said enough:

Bless your cotton socks for your support.

Seriously, you’re my Skittles and starshine, and I’m in your eternal gratitude.

YES, ETERNAL 👏 GRATITUDE 👏

AS IN, MY SPECTRAL SERVICE ACROSS THE INFINITY OF SPACE AND TIME.

Your mileage may vary, but that makes me feel ticklish inside. Or maybe that’s just the deep-fried brownies.

  • tap-dances*
  • disappears*

Mike

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